Ms. Taken?

SPWs are usually on the lookout for Mr. Right so they can make that fated walk down the aisle.  An engagement ring would clearly come in handy sometimes.  We were perusing the web when we found a product so cute it was worth mentioning.  This little product lets you reap the rewards of putting a ring on it without the strings attached – at least for the time being.

You might be leaving LA to interview for a job in NYC when the interviewer asks you what your ties to the city are.  While NYC is indeed the epicenter of finance, interviewers sometimes don’t think that’s enough to “tie” you to the city.  Instead, a lot of employers simply won’t hire unless your mom and dad live in Brooklyn and your fiancé just got a job transfer here.  The unfair part of this all is that while moving to the city that will best further your career is not enough, moving to NYC to follow your fiancé is. Double standards riddle the life of every SPW, and while it isn’t fair, you might still be able to outsmart the system.

Before you go and get engaged to some random guy prior to boarding a plane to that job interview, let us introduce you to an ingenious little invention – the Ms. Taken ring.  The ring (2 carats of Australian crystal set in a stainless steel band) is packaged in a discreet keychain so that it’s handy when you need to use it.  Slip it on as you jump out of the cab to your interview.  Tell them about your fabulous credentials and your “ties” to the city.  After the interview, toss the sucker back into the keychain.  At least this time, you will get a fair shake at the job without being punished for being a SPW looking to make a good career move.  After all, the fiancé can be broken up with at any time.

Let’s say you find yourself at a bar later on that night and some loser is getting a little too close for comfort, you can pop the ring back on and tell the bugger that you’re taken – sorry!  While we know you can pick up a fake ring for less than $10 at Claire’s, we thought this Ms. Taken ring was too clever to not give a shout-out to,  The name is darling, the website is hilarious, and while we haven’t bought the ring ourselves, we’re pretty sure it won’t turn your finger green.  Also, the fact that it comes in that keychain means you don’t have to dig around for it when that loser at the bar is breathing his hot, smelly breath in your ear (let’s face it, sometimes every second counts!).  You can just as easily put it back into its little keychain when a hottie comes around to the bar, too.  Even if you're not interested in getting the ring, the website itself is pretty hilarious.  Check it out!

The "Perfect Relationship": Just Another Fad?

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you likely heard all the buzz about Chelsea Clinton's recent wedding.  Did she diss Obama by not sending him an invite? That the cost of the wedding was estimated at a whopping $3 to $5 million.  And, of course, that her wedding featured a vegan and gluten-free (GF) menu.  From the moment word spread about her (GF) fare, there has been somewhat of a GF craze.  Chelsea's slender figure is being said to result from her GF lifestyle and the more people hear this, the more they are jumping on the GF bandwagon.

Now, Chelsea is GF not because it's any kind of diet -- let's face it, GF just means free of gluten, not free of fat, calories, or sugar -- but because she has an allergy to gluten.  So, while people on the outside are clinging to the idea of a GF diet making them resemble Chelsea, Chelsea is simply trying to eat in a way that doesn't send her entire digestive system into a tizzy.  The folks choosing to go GF, however, are not thinking about the fact that Chelsea probably has stomach cramps or diarrhea or who knows what else if she eats gluten because that wouldn't go with their story. In their minds, she is thin because she is GF - period.  

Is the search for the "perfect relationship" as faddish as the latest GF diet? When you see a couple strolling hand-in-hand or a young family enjoying a meal at a nice restaurant, chances are you only see what you want to see. You romanticize what's before you because all you have is the limited information before your eyes at that very second. Even when you know a couple, you don't really know a couple. You don't know what they argue about behind closed doors, what insecurities they harbor, what infidelities they might be hiding. All you see is what you want to see -- that perfect facade -- because that's what you hope to have for yourself one day. 

Just like the newly GF folks who hope to one day shed those unwanted pounds and be "just like Chelsea," you hope to one day meet that "perfect" guy and be in that "perfect" relationship.  Remember that fads are a passing thing so if you want a lasting relationship, you're going to have to drop the idea of a "perfect" anything and go after a real relationship with it's ups, downs and in-betweens. 

Unemployed?

The government claims the U.S. unemployment rate is about 10%. Commentators speculate it’s actually higher if we consider 1) the long-term unemployed who have given up on finding a new job, 2) those that had to settle for part-time work, and 3) those who just don’t report. We’re sure you know at least a few friends who got canned in the last year or two, and let’s face it - being unemployed is a big deal for SPW. If you’re a SPW and you are currently unemployed, we sympathize because as a SPW, you have invested a lot into your career. You may have put your love life on hold, moved cities, or blown off time with friends to try and meet work demands. When a SPW gets laid off, it’s like getting dumped by a most beloved boyfriend/lover/husband. We all know the downside of unemployment (goodbye online shopping addiction!), but for you SPW who are dealing with being unemployed, we’ve created a list of 10 positive aspects of being sans job. No more being embarrassed when you have to tell your date you’re currently jobless! Here are 10 reasons why having no job right now is a great thing.

1. You’ll be able to sort out gold diggers.

The days that men thought it was their job to be sole provider for their families are long gone. There are suckers out there that would rather eat your bacon than bring it home. After getting laid off, Ms. J dipped her big toe into the world of eharmony.com and was quickly chased by a rather mediocre specimen of a fella. When they got into open communication, he asked her if she liked her job as a lawyer. As soon as she told him she wasn’t working as a lawyer but was instead an author working on publishing a book, he closed her out! Although Ms. J was pissed that she wasted time on Mr. Mediocrity, she was thankful that Mr. Mediocrity had revealed his true colors – he wasn’t after her - he was after her checking account! That good-for-nothing probably wanted to be her house-husband.

2. You finally have time to date.

Finally! No more excuses. You now have the time to be more deliberate about your dating life. Now that you’ve learned that your loyalties to your job aren’t reciprocated in a down economy, it’s time to start investing in relationships and taking steps to find a relationship that will last a lifetime. Setting up an online profile takes a while so grab a cup of joe and take your time.

3. You have time to reflect on what you really want.

Ms. J had always poured herself into her work and ignored her nonexistent dating life. In fact, Ms. J spent so much time working that she hadn’t even fully deciphered what she was looking for in a man. Well, like any other endeavor in life, you can’t find what you want if you don’t know what you want. Relax on your couch and think about what kind of qualities you’re seeking in a relationship. At least then you’ll be able to recognize a good guy when you see one.

4. Time to make time for yourself – go on that vacation you’ve always wanted to go on!

We know that you said to yourself at some point while being shackled to your desk that you wish you could go on vacation without worrying about the office. Well now’s your chance! Our time at law firms made us painfully aware of the fact that a vacation taken by a professional is usually no vacation. Is snorkeling while wondering how many emails are piling up on the blackberry you left on the boat really that relaxing? Well, with no more job, it’s time to take a real vacation where work is the furthest thing from your mind. You deserve it -- whether it’s a month in Europe (yes, using a little of your savings is okay!) or a week hiking near your hometown (staycations are relaxing, too!).

5. A closed door means an open window – time to reevaluate and re-shape your career.

Your currently employed counterparts are so furiously trying to stay afloat in their jobs that while many may be unsatisfied, they are too caught up in the rat race to figure out how to make a change. Being unemployed gives you the opportunity to look at your career and change course if you’re not doing something you love. Even if you had already found your dream career, you now have the time to set career goals for yourself so you can hit the ground running when you find a new job. A stint on unemployment island gives you the space to re-evaluate.

6. You’ll start to see people for who they are, not what they do.

As point 1 of this blog illustrates, people are damn superficial. And although you might be hesitant to list your profession on your online dating profile, you’ll soon realize that you are more than just your profession, and so are the guys you’ll be meeting on the other end. Careers come and go, but a truly genuine man is a keeper.

7. You can finally pay more attention to the small joys in life.

No joke, Ms. J forgot every friend’s birthday during her two years of law firm life. She also neglected to celebrate Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, and Halloween. However, after being unemployed, she came to appreciate the fun of Easter egg hunts, made up for forgetting friends’ birthdays, and (cheesy as it may sound), even had time to think about the true meaning of Christmas. Life’s pretty great when you aren’t going 100 miles an hour. There are a lot of small joys in life that we forget when we’re constantly busy. It’s time to remember and enjoy them.

8. Time to reevaluate your relationships.

Once you get laid off, you’ll quickly realize that you have friends who still love your unemployed, broke ass. You will also have friends who suddenly drop off the face of the earth now that you won’t be paying for their lunch or because now you might need advice and maybe even a shoulder to cry on. Friends who bail on you during a difficult period of your life aren’t worth keeping around and friends who stand with you during dark periods of your life are priceless. It isn’t easy to tell the difference between them when things are great. However, when the going gets tough, it’s easy to see who is worth keeping around and who isn’t.

9. Respect the temple.

Being unemployed is a prime time to get in shape. We know it’s hard to get in shape when you’re working long days, but now that you’re not, it’s time to pay attention to your health. You now have time for that physical and pap smear (oh joy!). You were only given one body, so you might as well take care of it (and let's face it, you only have that medical insurance for so long before it's gone!). And being unemployed is stressful, so what better way than to go release some stress at the gym AND get healthy at the same time? You even have time to hit up that farmer’s market and whip up a healthy meal, so toss those take-out menus and put some healthy fuel in the engine.

10. You can put your career into perspective.

Once Ms. J got laid off, she went through all sorts of emotions – rage, hurt, shame, and relief. But there’s nothing like losing your job to make you gain a little perspective. Even though your boss may have demanded you work 12 hour days, making you think that somehow the office couldn’t function with you, guess what? It is functioning without you because they’re still open and thriving and you don’t work there anymore. Ultimately, a job is just a job. Your life, miraculously enough, continues on. The days fly by, you eat one meal at a time, and your friends still want to meet you for drinks. With time, you’ll also realize that there are people who have bigger problems than just getting laid off – folks dealing with cancer, death, or oppression. Suddenly, losing a job while being fortunate enough to be a healthy, educated, successful woman living in America (land of opportunity!) just doesn’t seem worthy of wallowing in self pity over.

30 Rock

If you watched 30 Rock last week, you witnessed Liz trying to change her single status by forcing herself to join every ridiculous and humiliating singles activity offered by her local YMCA. Whether it was line dancing or dodge ball, Liz forced herself to go because she figured that if she put herself out there enough, she’d find her Mr. Right. Meanwhile, Jack made no such extra effort and had his choice of not one, but two women.

Is this a simple tale of “the world is unfair for single women?” Perhaps. Nobody will doubt that single men seem to have a far easier time dating than single women. However, we mention this episode because there was a surprisingly good tidbit of advice from the show - so good that we thought any dating woman could benefit from it. As Jack was listening to Liz sound off about her dating woes, he simply said, "Lemon, I am successful romantically because I am confident, open and positive. You are negative, pessimistic, and in danger of becoming permanently sour."

This take-away is simple - You can go to every singles activity you can possibly fit into your day and take up your friends on every set-up they can muster, but if you don’t have the right attitude when you’re out there, you’re wasting your time. If you’re going to go out with a lousy attitude, you might as well be at home catching up on your DVR.

So for one, try to make eye contact with a few guys in the room. Eye contact is a subtle way to make a connection with somebody and gives guys a little sign that you notice them. Men aren’t fond of rejection, so a little eye contact or a smile can let them know you probably won’t shoot them down if they come over to chat. Also, be friendly. Speak up, say hello, initiate some conversation. "Putting yourself out there" doesn't mean just the physical act of going out; it means also being open to talking to people and seeing what they’re all about. You’re not being desperate, you’re just being friendly and getting to know people. If a guy doesn’t even have the civility to be receptive to your friendliness, well, then, he’s just an asshole. You can thank him for being so honest & not wasting your time.

Men aren't the smartest creatures, but you don't have to be uber-perceptive to pick up on that bitchy, all-men-in-the-universe-suck vibe that can rise to the surface after one too many epic fails at love. If you let that negativity define you, you will end up in a vicious cycle where your attitude alone will perpetuate your inability to find a decent man. Don't assume you know what each guy is about before he even opens his mouth. Squash the urge to judge a man in the first 5 minutes of meeting him. Give him a chance. It's called dating for a reason. Why not go on some dates and figure out if Mr. Suit and Tie is worth a long term investment?

Follow Jack's advice. Be "confident, open and positive." Putting on the right attitude is even more important than what clothes you put on when you go out looking for Mr. Right. So, while you're agonizing over what dress to wear, put some thought into your mindset, too. Even if the dress isn't exactly right, if your attitude is, you're bound to score a great guy in no time!

The Allure of the Bad Boy

The celebrity buzz lately has focused on Sandra Bullock’s shocking discovery that her husband, Jesse James, has been cheating on her with a tattoo model (and perhaps others).

Sandra was blindsided by the news just ten days after her emotional Oscar win for Best Actress. Sandra is wildly successful, undoubtedly attractive (she even looked good when crashing totally nude into the ever-delicious Ryan Reynolds in “The Proposal,” no?), and she has been described by countless people as the “anti-diva.” Why would anybody cheat on somebody as magnificent as her? In fact, why is it that some of the world’s most beautiful and successful women get cheated on? (Think Halle Berry and Reese Witherspoon).

We won’t be so presumptuous as to say we know exactly why and we’re not going to cop out and blame the notorious “Oscar Curse." Obviously, we don’t personally know what goes on in the minds of any of the douchebags that have cheated on some of our favorite women and we haven’t experienced the dynamics of each of their relationships. But we can derive a little nugget of advice for all you SPW out there. We know bad boys are hot. Really hot. We know you think that your sex appeal/charm/feminine wiles are going to change him into an edgier version of Prince Charming. Well, snap out of it - steer clear of that bad boy!

Let’s keep it simple - “bad boy” is a euphemism for “attractive asshole.” He may be attractive, but he’s still an asshole. You can’t hang around an asshole for too long before you get shat upon.

Keep in mind that a bad boy also has his nice moments. Nobody’s 100% bad. In early interviews, Sandra was quoted by People magazine saying "[She] ha[s] [her] family, and it's the family that some higher power put in [her] path.” Clearly, that statement came during a particularly happy time in her marriage when Jesse was on his best behavior.

How can you tell if a guy is a bad boy or not? Well, it can be really easy to spot – his sexual history encompasses half the female population, he tells you he prefers flings over real relationships, and he doesn’t do things when he says he will. You wouldn’t put up with a guy that did all these things if he looked like Screech, so why put up with it just because he’s a hottie? And if it’s any consolation, chances are when they’re 55, Screech and Jesse James won’t look a whole lot different from each other.

Sometimes the bad boy isn’t as easy to spot. In this case, we suggest you take a look at his track record. All actions have consequences, and not many people can go around living a life of debauchery and deceit without a few carcasses lying on the side of the road. Jesse James is a tatted up motorcycle tycoon with three kids who, surprisingly, owns an organic fast-food joint. At first glance, not necessarily the worst guy, right? Now, if Sandra had taken a bit of a closer look, she would have seen that Jesse James has bedded a ton of women, and for heaven’s sake, he was married to a friggin’ porn star before Sandy! We’re relatively sure that a look into Jesse James’ past would have had at least a few blaring red lights that would have caught her eye.

The next time you’re tempted to go after the bad boy, remember there’s a reason we call him bad, and there’s also a reason we call him a “boy” and not a “man.” While dating somebody dangerous can be fun, we’d encourage SPW to try a “nice guy” type and compare and contrast. Remember the element of danger might be initially alluring, but a quality man that does you right is what’s ultimately satisfying.

Dear M&J: Online (Not) Dating

Dear M&J,

I'm a professional woman who just turned 30 recently. I work long hours and find it very hard to make time to date. After a particularly long dating drought (seriously, it's been over a year), my friends convinced me to join eHarmony for 3 months. Turns out, it’s been a bust so far. First, there are the guys that are not even slightly attractive to me, who I delete immediately (what’s up with all the overweight dudes on there?). And there are the ones that I’m scared to communicate with but interested enough not to close out -- the 38 year old lawyer who lives an hour and a half away from me, the chubby finance guy who otherwise seems like a good match, and the really hot guy who I know would never go for me. Whenever I start communicating and send my special eHarmony questions to them (you send pre-drafted questions first before moving on to open communication), their responses suck and a lot of them can't spell to save their lives! I have yet to venture out on a date with anyone from eHarmony. Am I doing something wrong? How can I make this online dating thing translate into an actual date?

~Online (NOT) Dating

OND, we have to commend you for following your friends' advice and taking a little stroll into the world of online dating. When you're working long hours and making time for meeting Mr. Right just isn't possible, it's a smart move to go online. Today, online dating is a normal, socially acceptable form of dating and more and more professionals are hitting the web to find their mate. We know plenty of people who have gotten married after meeting online, so we give you a virtual pat on the back for gettin’ out there.

Online dating has some serious advantages to the face-to-face dates of yesteryear. First off, you can screen potential dates whenever you have free time -- whether it’s at 5am for 20 minutes before you head off to work or at 11pm for an hour while wearing pajamas and eating leftover Thai takeout. You don't have to spend hours picking the perfect outfit or doing your hair when you hop onto eHarmony to evaluate your matches. We also love how thorough eHarmony profiles can be, covering everything from a guy’s profession to his religious preference and interests. It's the equivalent of walking into your neighborhood bar wearing an invisible cloak and having a sign on every man’s back listing his most crucial stats. By having eHarmony’s matching system pick your guys, you avoid having to stop every 5th guy on the street to see if you click or not.

Let’s focus on your approach to online dating. You talk about the guys that are not attractive to you that you delete immediately -- huge mistake. The problem with dinging all the somewhat-uglies is that looks have no correlation to a man’s character. A handsome man won’t necessarily equate to a quality boyfriend/husband. Even if a guy doesn't look like he's your type, he might be so amazingly funny and charming that it’ll make up for his lack of good looks. Ever feel the overwhelming urge to close a guy out because he’s wearing the world’s LOUDEST Hawaiian shirt in his profile picture? Not so fast! The guy’s favorite little niece may have brought back the hideous shirt as a souvenir for him from Hawaii and while he dons suits all day, that Hawaiian shirt may have sentimental value to him. The crazy shirt becomes sort of adorable at that point, don’t you think?

You also talk about the 38-year-old lawyer who doesn't live particularly close to you. He might be older than the guys you usually date, but how do you know you won't connect in a way that will make age insignificant? And, yes, he might live an hour and a half away, but maybe when you meet him you'll learn that he actually works in your city and only goes "home" certain weekends until he can sell his place and buy something closer to work. You don’t really know all this until you dig a little deeper.

As for the “really hot guy” that you think won’t go for you, we have two bits of advice for you. First, we must shake you. Why the feelings of inadequacy? Send the guy a few questions! Capitalize on the fact that this is all virtual and the worst possible thing that can happen is he’ll close you out. Big whoop – move on to the next match on your list. Second, we must urge you to avoid going only for the hotties. You can mix the gorgeous fella in with that 38 year old lawyer and a few not-so-hotties, but don’t limit yourself! Chances are high that the hot guys are getting more attention from other women on eHarmony so competition is going to be stiff. And if the guy has tons of lovin’ coming from every angle, he’s less likely to (1) respond to you in the first place and (2) be down to committing to you if you do hit it off. You don’t have to go on a search for Mr. Fugly, but definitely consider more than just the profile picture when deciding who to date.

As far as the answers to the questions go, we’re going to have to tell you to keep on truckin’, toots. If you’re freaking out over a guy’s lack of gusto in his responses to your questions, remember not everybody has the gift of the written word. The not-so-great speller might be an analytical genius who writes computer code and is on his way to becoming the next VP of a software engineering firm. The guy with the crappy grammar may have learned English as his second language and be full of amazing life experiences to share about his home country (French countryside, anybody?). Of course, if the answers the guy gives you are completely antithetical to what a proper human should be giving, close the guy out and keep going. You’ll have 5-10 more matches in your inbox tomorrow anyway. Sometimes, you just have to sort through a bunch of guys to find the one that’s going to be great for you. Online dating takes patience.

Now when you make it to a real date, chances are it will take more than one date to really know if there is anything worth pursuing there. When you interview for a job, you usually have callbacks or multiple interviews. If even corporate America is giving candidates a second look, you should definitely be giving your possible Mr. Rights a second chance to woo you (absent heinous behavior, of course). After the second or third date, feel free to say sayonara if you aren’t feeling him.

Don’t be discouraged, OND! Things are going to work out. And when you become an eHarmony success story, let us know!

Dear M&J: To Settle, or Not to Settle

Dear M&J,

I’m a 32 year old professional woman and I’m approaching the one year mark on my relationship.  My boyfriend is a great guy and I know he loves me, but he’s not everything I’ve ever wanted in a husband.  Lately, talk has been moving towards moving in together and eventual marriage.  Prior to this relationship, I dated the guy I thought I was going to marry for 4 years before it all blew up in my face.  I love my boyfriend and know he’s a good man, but I’m still not sure he’s “the one.”  All my friends are getting married or having kids and I feel like I’m running out of time to start a family.  I can’t stand to be in another long-term relationship only to have it go nowhere, but I don’t know if I can just toss this relationship aside in the hope that some better guy exists out there for me.  Do I settle for my boyfriend and forget about possibly doing better?

-          To Settle, or Not to Settle

Hi there, TSONTS.  There are a lot of women out there in the same predicament as you.  Once we pass the age of 30, dating takes a whole new spin.  While dating for 4 years when you’re 26 is fun and carefree, a long-term relationship at 30 is like gambling at the high stakes poker table in Vegas.  If things work out, jackpot!  You enter a relationship where you’re older and wiser – your maturity makes you a better girlfriend and life partner.  However, if things don’t work out and you wind up breaking up with some asshole at the age of 34 after 4 years of dating, that’s 4 years you should have spent getting married and having kids (like the rest of your friends).

We get it - you feel like you’re running out of time.  You have a man in your life that’s by and large great, but you wonder if he’s really “it” and as time continues to tick on by, your uncertainty is making you lose patience.  You’ve also invested a lot of time into your ex-boyfriend, which in retrospect seems like a huge mistake.  Even though your guy does not fit every criteria you hoped for in a mate, your past dating experiences make you uneasy about jumping back into the single life.

So when should you stick with the guy you’re with and when should you let him go?  First off, you have to realize that nobody’s perfect.  It’s a damn shame, but what can you do?  Second, while (once in a blue moon) men will change a few choice things about themselves once they start dating, we have yet to hear of a man undergoing permanent and significant changes in his character, integrity, or personality absent life-altering adversity or tragedy.  When it comes to men, change is the exception, not the rule.

Let’s figure out if your boyfriend is a good man with a few flaws (we all have them!), or a band-aid you’ve put over the wound your last relationship left behind.

Step 1 - We know it’s going to feel silly, but write down everything you love and hate about your boyfriend.  Everything.  One column for things you hate, one column for things you love.  Clearly, if you can’t think of too many things to put under the “love” column, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Step 2 - Now it’s time to put the lists to work.  Next to each item, put down a (1) if it’s: (a) something that has no bearing on the kind of human being/potential husband he is; (b) purely cosmetic; or (c) something that will likely disappear/adjust over time.  Put down a (2) next to items that are deeply embedded inner qualities – these go to the core of his character and are highly unlikely to change with time (or your incessant prodding). 

Step 3 - Go through your lists and cross off any item that you marked with a (1).  If you have a lot of (2)s in the “love” column and few to none in the “hate" column, chances are you’ve got yourself a keeper.  You need to figure out what’s behind your fear of committing to this guy.  Do you have unrealistic expectations?  Are you ready to be a live-in girlfriend or wife?  Even if you feel like you should settle down, that doesn’t mean you want to.  Now if the (2)s in the “hate” column greatly outnumber the (2)s in the “love” column, you’ve got to decide if you’re willing to put up with these things forever so you can settle down now, as opposed to a few years down the line with someone else.  Remember, while it’s harder to get pregnant when you’re older, “harder” does not mean “impossible.”  But once you procreate with the wrong man, that is a permanent move.  The stork does not accept babies for return or exchange based on dissatisfaction with your selected mate.

Our book has a whole chapter dedicated to this issue. Hopefully, we will get published soon and on the shelves so you can plug your boyfriend into one of the worksheets we’ve got for analysis.  Till then, good luck!

M&J

Dear M & J

As word spreads about our book and, now, this blog, we have more and more conversations with SPW about their dating dilemmas. Should she stay with him even though he's told her repeatedly that he doesn't want to have kids? Should she keep visiting him 2 hours away (for the 14th time) when he's only visited her once (and he already had other plans bringing him into the city)? Should she settle for him because he's overall pretty okay or cut things off and venture back into that deep unknown that is the dating world? 

While we can write blog entries until our fingertips blister on dating issues we come across every day (in the media or in person), we would love to deal with the dating issues that are on your mind. Hence, the birth of "Dear M&J." You send us a "letter" - i.e., an email (mythofprincecharming@gmail.com), a blog post (anonymous or not) or a facebook post -- and we will anonymously post your question and respond with what we think you should do. Not only will you get an unbiased third party opinion on the course of action you should take, but you'll have the opportunity to benefit from comments left on the blog by other SPW, some who might have gone or are actually going through exactly what you are.  It's like asking your best friend what to do, but better; there are two of us and we don't know you, so you're sure to get the 100% truth from us each and every time. 

Can't wait to hear from you! 

You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover

Ladies! How does this guy sound?

• 34 years old.
• Attractive, lean muscular build, roughly 6' tall and 180 lbs.
• Attended a university ranked 16th in the world, majoring in economics before hitting it big and leaving college to pursue his career.
• Runs his own successful company, with revenues exceeding $100 million in 2009.
• Owns several homes and a yacht.

Would you say those are the stats of a bachelor you wouldn't mind making your boyfriend (or maybe even husband)? Well, not so fast my friend. Remember when you learned in elementary school that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover? Well the same applies here.

Now, some of you Single Professional Women (“SPW”) see this guy’s resume and swoon. To you, ”he” is the perfect man. Educated, wealthy, successful, good looking, and fairly young. Not only would you go on a date with this guy, but many of you would start "operation engagement," a mission with one goal - getting this guy to put a ring on your finger as quickly as possible.

Others of you aren’t so easily persuaded by this guy’s stats. After all, you don’t need to hunt for Mr. Moneybags. You’ve worked your asses off to get to where you are and can take care of yourselves. While a guy would be nice, you don't need a guy to put food on the table (or cute shoes in your closet) and you sure as heck aren’t the type to ever subscribe to http://sugardaddie.com . You SPW are clearly not gold diggers, but plenty of SPW (perhaps even you - gasp!), have specific professional credentials that a potential guy must fulfill before he will even be given the time of day. Some SPW admit they are searching for a doctor - period. Others are more open-minded and will accept doctors, lawyers, and men in the higher ranks of the business world (aren't they kind?). To all of you, we reveal who this man is:

The credentials listed above belong to none other than Tiger Woods. That's right, Tiger Woods, the once famous, now infamous, golf legend, husband, and father of two.

What Tiger’s stats (or similar ones for any guy you date or might prospectively meet) don't reveal is the character that man possesses. A guy can be intelligent, wealthy, and powerful but still be a horrible marriage prospect. Tiger had a plethora of affairs despite being legally committed to his (totally hot) wife. He has two kids and even those two children were not reason enough for him to curb his behavior. And yet, none of Tiger’s dysfunction is apparent in any way from the information above.

Careers and professional achievements say nothing about the type of person the man actually is -- is he honest? Loyal? Humorous? Caring? Affectionate? Who knows!?! It would take at least a couple of dates to figure out what this "accomplished" guy is all about. Running through guy after guy to come to those conclusions equals a lot of time wasted dating losers that could have been avoided with more serious dating criteria.

So, think about the metrics you're forcing your potential Mr. Right to meet. A great job does not guarantee quality marriage material. After all, you can be married to a neurosurgeon and live in a huge mansion and yet be painfully lonely because your husband works so damn much. Yes, if you were at a cocktail party people would be impressed with your husband's credentials, but ask yourself if that would really matter if you ate dinner by your lonesome every night?

Instead of being a woman who only chases after men with a particular job or income level, why not set priority #1 to be solid character? Is the guy kind and considerate to the people around him? If a prospective date is rich and handsome on top of being kind and thoughtful, then great! But don’t let shallow criteria get in between you and Mr. Right. While Tiger’s pedigree and annual income would have its perks, let’s face it – all those perks do not trump the fact that his penis gets more use than his golf clubs.

Valentine's Day

Ladies, we are rapidly approaching the day of doom for singles everywhere. If you find yourself single on Valentine’s Day, you might already be bracing yourself for a rough Sunday night. It’s easy (and totally human) to let all the hype of V-Day get you down.

Whether you find yourself single on V-Day for the first time ever or you’re a single-on-V-Day veteran, we wanted to give you a list of the top 10 things to do as a single woman on Valentine’s Day. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you shouldn’t join in on the celebration of love.

TOP 10 THINGS FOR SINGLE WOMEN TO DO ON VALENTINE’S DAY

10. Meet up with your other single girlfriends and become that giddy, borderline obnoxiously happy group of women out for dinner. Good food + great wine = insanely contagious belly-laughs that will make the other women in the restaurant wonder if THEY, not you, are missing out on something

9. If you want to keep it low key (and if you so choose, low budget), invite some of your girlfriends to your house for a V-Day dinner party. One idea: A make-your-own-sushi party where everyone gets to roll their own maki and give their rolls V-Day-worthy names to boot. Another idea: Have a dessert potluck where everyone brings a treat and a bottle of wine (as you can see, wine is a recurring theme).

8. Go to the mall (solo or with a friend) and buy yourself something you’ve always wanted but haven’t bought because you thought it was either unnecessary or too expensive. If you need to justify it, just focus on how much better it is to spend your money on something awesome for yourself than on some stupid shaving kit for a guy that might/might not transform into a lasting relationship.

7. For those of you who are too broke for #8, go to Sephora or your favorite drug store and pick up one special piece of makeup to accentuate your already-established hotness. (Some of the new spring shades of blush/gloss/shadow belong in your makeup bag, damnit!)

6. Plan a special day of pampering. Pampering means different things for different people. A mani/pedi at a nice salon or a trip to the day spa might be super relaxing for some. Others might prefer to spend the day in a snuggie, avoiding every chore and errand on the list. Even if you just buy some essential oils and make yourself a therapeutic bath, treat yourself. You deserve it!

5. Since V-Day falls on a Sunday this year, you have a full day to do whatever the hell you want to without feeling bad about it. Consider visiting a local museum, theme park, or enjoy the beauty of nature while hiking on a local trail.

4. If you’re the artistic type, pick up some paint, a camera, or a piece of charcoal and create some artwork. It can be a lovely painting of the ocean or even an angry knifing of red and black paint on a piece of canvas. Who knows? Your new artistic venture may turn into your next calling!

3. Go to your local bookstore, buy a book you’ve been wanting to read, and sit down with it, a cookie, and a tall latte. Or if you’re in the mood for mindless reading, replace the book with a stack of celebrity gossip/fashion magazines and dive in.

2. Celebrate Chinese New Year! This year, Chinese New Year is on the same day as Valentine’s Day. Hell, there are 1.3 billion people who could care less about cards and chocolate on Sunday. In China, it’s time to party.

1. Do whatever makes you feel like the empowered, successful, happily single woman that you are. If that means staying in, going out, surrounding yourself with friends, or spending time alone with your thoughts, do whatever it takes to celebrate how wondrous you really are. Taking time to care for yourself reinforces the fact that you are innately valuable and deserving of great things. Taking care of yourself builds your confidence and lady, there’s nothing sexier than confidence.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It's not all about your looks

We’re sure you’ve read about it. Heidi Montag, half of the infamous “Speidi” and married to one of the biggest douches west of the Rockies, recently underwent 10 surgical procedures in one fell swoop to allegedly “become the best [her].” That got us thinking about looks, insecurities, and dating.

We aren’t going to opine whether Heidi’s decision to undergo all that plastic surgery was right or wrong. It’s her body and to each their own. But we’ll say this much – most people would agree that Heidi had that hot girl next door thing going on before all the surgery and now that she’s gone under the knife, she’s had all sorts of judgment thrust upon her. After the surgery and her interview in People, the coverage focused on how her low self-esteem led her to plastic surgery. That perception of low self esteem, whether true or not (only Heidi knows for sure), makes her less attractive in a way that not even the best plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills can ameliorate.

There is no woman who is completely satisfied with her looks all of the time. Admit it – sometimes the inner schoolgirl comes out and you start wishing that your boobs were bigger, your lips were fuller, your nose were straighter, or maybe your eyes were bigger. As single women, it’s easy to start thinking the reason you’re still single is because you’re simply not attractive enough to land your Mr. Right.

But your mother had it right when she said “it’s what’s inside that counts.” We’ve met plenty of gorgeous-looking women in our day who were so unattractive on the inside that it completely voided any points they got because of their outward beauty. An unintelligent, insecure or judgmental chick is still unintelligent, insecure, or judgmental even if she’s got a pretty mask on her face or DDD boobs that temporarily distract from her inner unsightliness. More importantly, looks, unlike your inherent qualities, fade over time and it is unfeasible for even the most renown plastic surgeon to make outward beauty everlasting (think Joan Rivers).

Bottom line, there are plenty of chicks who are less attractive than you who are in relationships. And there are also plenty of women who are more attractive than you who are single. It’s not all about looks. If you view yourself holistically, you have your intellect, personality, and a slew of other qualities that comprise your total being. It is the sum of your parts that truly matter and a guy worth snagging (i.e., any guy looking for more than a one night stand), knows this. You’re kidding yourself if you think that better looks alone stand between you and a relationship.

Ladies! Go ahead and buy your makeup. Have fun with clothes. But keep in mind that all this external stuff just enhances what genetics already granted you. You are gorgeous without makeup (and any man would agree you look great without your clothes, too!). Take a cue from Cinderella - if she had been insecure at the ball and acted like a wallflower, she’d still be a single maid catering to three very despicable women. So, if you want to make a quick fix to boost your desirability, toss that plastic surgeon’s business card and instead simply choose to be confident – it’ll make you glow from the inside out and trust us, men will notice.

Who We Are & Why You Will Come to Love Us

You are a single professional woman (SPW) if you are:

1.      Single (no shit, right?);

2.      Educated (college, but probably higher);

3.      Smart (we don’t have to explain to you why 2 and 3 are different);

4.      Higher-earning (all of those degrees are good for something!); and

5.      Older (those years of school didn’t come with anti-aging serum, honey).

If you have been dating as a SPW using the same approach you did when you were younger, it’s no surprise that dating is turning out to be quite a struggle. Trying to find Mr. Right using the dating rules that worked in your early 20’s is the equivalent of trying to fit into your old prom dress – it’s going to be uncomfortable, it’s going to take a while, and ultimately it ain’t gonna happen. 

We’re here to bring you nuggets of wisdom when it comes to dating as an SPW.  Are we always going to be nice? No. But you’ll get to love us with time. Are we going to tell you what you want to hear? No. You can tell yourself what you want to hear. We’re here to tell you the truth – even if it’s ugly.

We’re two professional women – one married, one dating – and we’ve either personally lived through or witnessed firsthand the trials and tribulations of dating as an SPW.  We know you’re overworked. We know you don’t have a lot of time for dating.  We know most men you meet suck and those that don’t for some reason haven’t called you back. And we know that some of you won’t dare admit you want to date because you’ve managed to convince yourself that’s not your priority and you love your current blissful state of denial.  Because we know all of this, we are here to help in a way that your friends (who often lie to you), your family (who aren’t exactly dating gurus) and those legions of self-help books (who fail to realize you aren’t some Barbie bimbo who can’t handle her own shizzle) simply can’t.

Our dating advice stems from one single truth – Prince Charming does not exist and you must stop searching for him now.  Using Cinderella (she knew more about dating than you ever thought she did!) we’ll spin the latest celebrity gossip or most recent dating adventure we’ve witnessed, into hilarious, insightful tidbits of knowledge for the dating SPW.  So become a “follower” and join us  - we promise you’ll laugh and learn something new with every post.